Michael Steele Helps You Bet on "House Hunters"

Crown molding. Granite. Stainless steel. 

Around a year or two ago, we used to watch "House Hunters" and "House Hunters International" on HGTV a lot. Back when we were watching 2-3 episodes a week, we could pick the winning house 80% of the time with this simple formula:

Pick the house that's the most impractical for the couple involved. 

Oh, you're a young couple with a 6-month-old infant and two 16-year-old dogs? Odds are you'll pick the smallest house that's furthest from your jobs and is the most expensive, ignoring the toddler death-trap spiral staircase with no railings, because it has a fenced yard for your dogs. Besides, the house that was already child-proofed had that ugly paint color in the rec room and the house that was a half-mile from work didn't have stainless steel appliances or crown molding.

Corollary guide points to picking a winning house:

1. If a buyer bemoans the lack of granite counter-tops or stainless steel appliances in a particular house, they will not buy the house.  They will not factor in the cost of just replacing the counter-tops or appliances.
2. If a buyer has dogs, they will always favor any house with a fenced yard, regardless of all other factors.  They will not factor in the cost of putting up their own fence.
3. If a buyer initially says they want to be near their work, the beach, a nightlife district, etc., they will end up in the house furthest away.
4. On the International edition of the show, the house that is the least habitable and needs the most work has the best chance at being picked.  The buyers will see it as a blank slate for their remodeling dreams. Bonus points if it's so run-down that wild animals have taken up residence.

Michael Steele is Afraid of Beanie Babies

While house shopping here in Maryland back in March, we went with our realtor to see one house that we still laugh about. We refer to it as "The Beanie Baby House" because of this one, upstairs bedroom:

It was even freakier in person, because the picture only shows you about half the room. Extrapolate out that the rest of the room was the same. About a third of the animals had little protective, heart-shaped, hard plastic covers on their tags, I assume to preserve their investment value.

Making it even weirder (yes, that's possible!), everything else in the house was perfectly staged: minimal furniture and no other personal effects visible anywhere else in the house. It was just this one room filled with Beanie Babies lined up like Terra Cotta warriors on every available furniture surface, staring at you in unison with their blank, beady eyes.

The house is still on the market, in case you were interested in the property; we were not interested, and bought something else. I believe the Beanie Babies do not convey.